What’s with Christmas anyway  … became the best I could say  to the “normal” celebration days …  my sensitive self  … with a religion of LOVE & TRUTH  … in a fairly constant state of shock and horror at the choices of greed in those around me  … It never felt good .. it was always as if I was some separate entity  … a weirdo among the ones who still played the drama of “most popular kids at school” kinda thing .. & being kinda wowed with themselves and their antics.

Only if those were wow’s … I’m so glad I was and am a weirdo.

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The numb … senseless nonsense  of paper ripping and present stacking  …without noticing even what was in them in the first place .. to the point of once they were  unwrapped ..stack em and dump them in another room then forget about them for weeks and months ooo the  woes of … the ME ME ME ME myself and I’s  ..

It all always just made me feel totally sad … even wish for one of these .. a car decked in lights … Love these old trucks 🙂 …perhaps … a get away option … a far away get away option ..

There is great truth I have found in the saying there is nothing worse than being with people in who’s presence you feel completely alone  … the lonely feeling that people talk of I can honestly say I have only felt that when I was among others….. and it has nothing what so ever to do with being along to me ….BEing alone well that is just blessed stillness … communing with nature … listening to the wind … and with the right people I have found that expands into blessed communication too … where the seamless interactions flow in graciousness whether in silence or in jolly interaction.

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I ‘ve always had this weird sense of right and wrong and total TRUTH …. well to other anyway … to my saying that truth as so easy .. it just was what it was … I was pretty much always slammed with ..”there is no such thing as just total truth  … everyone lies” ..so apparently all intents and purposes ..for all around me that was it  .. just versions of lies … and changing ones at that.

Over the years with my weirdness I also grew weary and more and more sad … cause this way of being .. no matter how long I was in it …. was so incredibly alien to me.

All the things that really matter … were nowhere to be found … or if they seemed to be it was mere pretence … but I kept hoping .. year in and year out that there could be some glimmer of what to my heart and soul was real xmas spirit .. wit Genuine Heart and meaning … with honour and Integrity … not just the facade of ooo look at me .. aren’t I wonderful …the last time I spent xmas near them … seeing & hearing them making a huge song and dance about doing so much for charity .. and having Jo public s to speak thinking the grotto experience would also enrich lives of those that needed it most  … my horror at finding out that Santa n missus pocketed the bulk .. for all the shouting of wow look at me … what the charity really got was truly mere pennies from tea’s n cake .. Having been volunteered …to help ..(and in true circumstances I’m always happy to) ..but … finding tout his a couple of days before the event … that last year  ..made me so sick .. I spent several days staring down the loo .. and its only so long you can stare at  a waste pipe .. without getting ..that you do not want to be feeling like this … not to mention the water waste 😉 LOL with the flushing more than I’d ever flushed before … it was a good job I was in rainy England thats for sure 😉 LOL

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hmmm now … maybe I shouldn’t say this … but …my xmas present from them that  year …  was 6 ramekins from Aldi @ £1.99  😉 HA  … and they themselves opened new professional camera equipment ..with all the trimmings … among a horde that would have made Dudley Dursley’s Bday presents seem a tiny little bit indeed …  (I gotta say here Thank you JK Rowlings for all the blessed similarities … that made me laugh out loud at my own life) …. while I gave what was precious to my heart … Dr Emoto books of precious water .. and lots more but it really doesn’t matter .. sitting among people who owed me £20000 , and year in  year out refused to pay .. knowing how much I needed to restart my life … cause their long holidays .. designer clothes and sunglasses were always more important .

I vomited a lot that last december with the F****** 😉 HA … darn I wanted to say that at the time … but my dam politeness never let me … I just walked away …. That walking away was so long overdue …

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I have never understood the whole STRESS  and GREED  thing around xmas …. again an alien concept to me … maybe its simply that the actions and deeds of those that were supposed to “be there for you” “family” as such …  for me ..had me living so far below the poverty line for so many years … and without even really noticing …. because I was so used to being so careful with everything … wanting nothing really .. and making do with little  … cause I always felt wealthy in me ..in life … with LOVE .. in my heart … In hindsight this must have pissed them off more than anything …. cause really when I’ve finally looked at it all in the cool light of day ..

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Im far more shocked and amazed at my own tolerance levels … and even the extreme feel good forgiveness that I’ve always been able to do with such ease  … hmmm I mean blessed to have found my eclectic ways in my teens and lived light and such since … but I maybe opened to a toooooo big a dose of Buddhism .. release and forgive … for they are only as far on their path as they are at any given time ..:) … and the inner Zen stillness .. total silence in the mind … only heart communicating …. well .. I had the total silence in the mind … but I also kept my heart muzzled a good chunk of the time …. either cause it was in so much pain … I just needed the silence to heal for one or another of their mad schemes … or just simply because there was no point repeating myself … about truth love and honour again … it was always frowned upon .. and truth was feared above all else  … Or I should say my TRUTH was feared …. cause it involved the sharing of feeling and knowing what the only last regrets in life were due to having been with my pappa when he passed .. and my gifts ..   https://heartcloudblessings.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/the-deep-inner-peace-of-knowing-that-there-is-no-death-my-first-experience-of-a-soul-passing-into-light/    ….     well they were I guess stretched that day …. my gifts ..

In all that never forgetting the Christian roots either I guess … arguing and getting into trouble for pointing out that there was no point pointing fingers at others when they were not following the guidelines themselves …. & ooo did I ever get into trouble in church for pointing out that some were lying and …. though shall not n all that 🙂 hmmm

I learnt early that although they ram the catechism and rules n regs down the kids necks few adults even knew what they were …  or at least thats how it seemed … all the anger and hatred and me myself & I .. with mine is better than yours added for good measure … YIKES … same in all religions sadly …. or so I found … so I chose my own path …

It seemed to my quite logical at the time … reading all the main religions sacred texts … the bible … many versions .. through the koran  and others through to the Gita & the Veda’s being the oldest texts …. & simply finding that ALL … say the same thing really & SPIRITUAL LAW is SPIRITUAL LAW .. in ALL thats the same .. just slightly different words  … but the meaning is all the same … although each in their own is so waffled up with man made fear based nonsense .. that you really DO HAVE TO READ ALL to get a proper and full view ..

So SPIRITUAL LAW …I TAKE DEADLY SERIOUSLY  … LIVELY SERIOUSLY … & JOYOUSLY  LOVINGLY   SERIOUSLY without exception  … All is energy …. and all actions thoughts feelings ..have mirrors … measures … and life in the most amazing ways

why so serious … well I see and have always seen … the light and shadows people surround themselves with …. the light like the Halo’s of the masters … we all have them ..

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the shadows … mostly peoples own fears .. and negativity … emotions of anger hatred and greed … create a slimy dark film …. around an energy  …. normally causing that person to run around trying to find the inner peace they so desire on the outside … in some other place … always running to get something … more more more … never is anything enough  ….  in the worst scenario this is also what causes illness .. cancer and the like …

It’s kinda sad really that what they mostly want is found in those with the inner silence .. peace in heart and a blessed contentedness … and those are the people they harass .. threaten … and go all out to prove wrong .. and do their utmost to unbalance … so they can feel good about themselves … or think they can … but really they never truly can … with the refusal to look within…

 

The thing is ..everyone seems to thing Spiritual Law is a heavy thing …. but really from the LOVE space … its only gifts and blessings … asure until the inner balance is found .. a fair amount of lessons .. but they are always blessings to in hindsight … cause so much was learnt ❤

For this year I feel blessed with LOVE beyond Measure … New ways .. creating new traditions … Celebrating everyday as blessings in blessings … & deeply GRATEFUL ❤

as for specials I guess it has to be St Nicholas’s day the 5the of December .. it has the real spirit still … of LOVE JOY GIVING RECEIVING & SHARING .. no commercial  corruption … no memories of all that I used to see around me 🙂 … and Midwinter Solstice of cause … BLESSED BE ❤

but this has gotten longer than I intended again … 🙂 and I was only just gonna start on the magical gratitude thing too LOL  ..guess that will keep for tomorrow though ❤ Its a daily thing after all ❤

Wish you all PEACE in your HEARTS & LIVES Wonderful’s ❤

Maia

 

 

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7 thoughts on “xmas horror to Blessings of LOVE beyond measure

  1. Hi Maia.
    I had to read this three times, I enjoyed it so much, ‘cos you have tuned into exactly how I feel about the xmas time pressures. Lovely words and expressed in such a deep heartfelt way, thank you for brightening my evening.
    Dookes

    PS I’m following!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank You Dookes .. Thats a beautiful thing to say .. I enjoyed yours too & I’m following you too . .. as for xmas .. I’ve opted out altogether 🙂 … rewards of daydreaming however I’m most prone too .. never did finish taking my bike’s license .. but one day 🙂

      Like

  2. This is a very rich piece of writing that covers so many aspects of life. From consumer greed and materialism during the Christmas season to hypocrisy in the church, you have covered a lot of territory. I need to ‘re-read it to absorb it all and let it sink in. Thanks for sharing these deep thoughts on some very heavy topics.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m overwhelmed by the bulk of reading that is coming from Blogging 101. I’m trying to find the writers that I have some affinity with, so I can keep going with everything. That’s my backwards rambling way of saying Thank you for your post and I will try to keep up with your blog, though it is hard to write, process, live, read, process and honestly respond to so much of what you wrote about.

    Yes, you have so much to say. As my writer friend told me today, there is so much potential for more writing from each paragraph/topic you start to mention, then you twist off to another topic. You keep it light. I can relate. My unposted blog from yesterday went from a short poem to an essay to an unfinished research paper with citations, links and one photo.

    I may respond to your post with an equally long blog, if I can stay on topic, then edit, edit, edit it down to something that is coherent I hope.

    Thank you. Em

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I hear you Em.. and so feel the same …. I don’t think I’ve read so much and so varied in a while 🙂 and that’s not even mentioning the behind the scenes stuff widgets n whatnots n more LOL feeling a dazed while trying to speed through it all .. means the rambling from topic to topic writing has not been happening so much Hmmm but I figure we’ll learn what we need to & find a few like minded ..

      Liked by 1 person

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